“I should cancel, I’m going to look awful. Why am I even doing this?”

“Ugh, I can’t cancel….everyone knows I’m doing this”

“If Ashley Graham can work a bikini in front of the whole world, I can rock a body suit for some pictures”

This was the daily conversation I was having with myself in the weeks leading up to my boudoir session. 

As a boudoir photographer my job involves helping other women feel beautiful, amazing and confident about how they look….no matter their size or shape. I spend a lot of time encouraging women to worry less about their size or a number on the scale and embrace how beautiful they are in this moment.

But in reality I struggle with that on a daily basis myself. 

I have struggled with self image and confidence my whole life. I have never been, nor will I ever be, one of those thin girls that looks like the cover of a magazine….and I am OK with that! 

I have gone through phases of being really fit and healthy. I would work out, eat decent and take care of myself. But then after having two kids, and a serious love for chips, queso & margaritas, I have gained more weight than I am happy with. Right now I am heavier than I have ever been (pregnancy weight aside). 

So why would I choose THIS moment to book a boudoir session? 

I think part of me wanted to prove a point to the “world” (and to myself) – that you can be beautiful and sexy and any size. 

So I called my friend Michael Castleberry  from Castleberry Haven Photography and asked her to be my photographer. Her shooting style isn’t the same as mine but I wanted something different, unique and outside my normal box. 

I trusted that she would create beautiful images – but I was less confident in how I would feel seeing myself in those images.

My biggest fear going into this session what that I was going to HATE every photo of myself. My hope was that there would be at least 1 or 2 that I liked. Oddly enough, this is what I hear my clients say all the time right before they end up with a gallery of 30+ images they really love!

So after several weeks of stressing, questioning and doubting my decision – The BIG DAY was here. 

My go-to hair and make-up girl, Micaela from Kiss & Make-up DFW (she does all the hair and make-up for my sessions and is AMAZING) got me camera ready. My confidence was immediately boosted and I was feeling pretty great as I drove to the studio.

The session was pretty amazing. There were only a few moments where I felt unsure about how I looked, but Michael was great at helping put me at ease. We laughed, played with different ideas and poses and had a blast! 

I left the session feeling CONFIDENT, EXCITED and BEAUTIFUL! 

Now came the hard part….waiting to see the images.

A few days after the session I got a message from Michael that she was sending over a few images as a “sneak peek”. My stomach did a flip, I was so excited but also extremely nervous. I prepared myself to be disappointed in what I saw (not because of her amazing work, but because of the lack of confidence I have in myself).  I opened the message and as the images popped up I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! They took my breath away. I couldn’t believe that was REALLY ME! 

A few weeks later the rest of the images were ready, and as I looked through the gallery I was overwhelmed. I have spent SO much time hating myself, putting myself down and being seriously awful to myself. I would NEVER talk about someone else the way I talk about myself, and seeing these photos was incredibly eye opening. 

We are all beautiful, but for some reason we let the rest of the world make us feel less than that. We compare ourselves to other women (both the photoshopped versions in the magazines and the real ones in our daily lives) and find fault in our appearances when we don’t meet an unobtainable standard. 

How different would we feel if we chose to stop comparing….if we chose to find the beauty in our differences….and if we chose to be kind to ourselves! 

My hope for you when booking a boudoir session is that you find AT LEAST one photo that makes you question why you are so hard on yourself. ONE IMAGE that shows you how the rest of the world sees you. ONE PHOTO that reminds you that you are beautiful just the way you are! 

These photos, as superficial as they may seem, have helped move me one step closer to self love and appreciation. 

If you are ready to see yourself (and all your amazing beauty) the way the rest of the world sees you, then let’s chat about designing an amazing photo shoot of your own! 

P.S. Want to be part of an amazing group of women lifting each other up, encouraging each other and sharing life together – join the private Stripped Down- Paisley Layne VIP group HERE.